I’m going to try talk about trust. It’s a beast of a topic.

I don’t trust people very easily so those whom I do talk about more private things to, i generally trust. I can over share and be prone to giving away too much about myself too quickly. In these instances i usually pull right back as soon as i sense the slightest sign of mistrust whether it is really there in the magnitude interpret it or not.

Growing up with abuse and constantly battling for my own safety i was on high alert all the time, constantly reading people. Reading their tone, stance, body language, eye contact, hand gestures, eyebrowntwings and walk. Words barely came in to it, they were well and truly down on the long list of things that must be registered before understanding the words. So, it is safe to say I am a very good people reader. I am so sensitive to the aforementioned details that it took me 6 yeard of therapy before I began making eye contact and had the ability to look at people when talking. I still can’t look at people much at all, I avoid looking at people at all costs but if I have to I have the ability to now but only for breif periods and also when I am angry.

These “skills” are not useful, not when you are trying to have friendships. I am like a yoyo, trusting then pull right back and it takes a very long time to re-establish it if trust is hindered in the slightest. This isn’t much of a way to live- always on edge.

Anyway, my phone battery is nearly dead so I’ll leave it there. Not sure what this blog entry achieved..

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