My relationship with my father has been nothing short of abusive. He physically and psychologically abused me through my childhood. When my parents separated he despised having my sister and I every second weekend. He rarely fed us, he would make 1 meal and that would be it for the weekend and that was if we were lucky. I vividly remember eating toothpaste from a tube for dinner one night before my father had moved out of the family home that he took from my mother. I would have been 7 or 8, eating toothpaste for a meal as there was never any food.

My father would drink every single night, I would nurse his hangovers in the morning. He would invite his friends over and shoot guns in the house, he would play with chainsaws in the house all the while my sister and I hid from him inhaling the potent petrol fumes.

He would leave us sometimes with tim tams, sometimes without anything at all while he went to see one of his many girlfriends. Most of the time he would never come back leaving my sister and I home alone until it was time for my mother to pick us up.

I have kids of my own now. I don’t have time for this toxicity to seep in to my brain any longer. I will not have his evil ways of life interjecting in to my children’s lives. We have not spoken for a year and a half after I cleaned his house and got called a cunt for not doing it properly. I said that is it. He said he was done with me. A few weeks ago he sent  text to my partner, it made me sense as he was drunk as per usual. I responded today.

“You have lost your way, forgotten what love is and allowed your contempt to damage two potentially beautiful relationships that not many people are blessed to have. Love isn’t kicking your grandchildren to the curb because you’re angry at your daughter. Love isn’t missing birthdays, Christmases and major events in your daughters and grand children’s lives. Love isn’t a power struggle and most of all love is unconditional.
You choose to have relationships based on all of the things i don’t believe love is. You are screaming out for an apology, an apology for what? You are holding your love for ransom which again, is not what love is. As I said, love is unconditional so when you apply rules and guidelines a relationship becomes a contract void of love. You say I can get better or bitter, bitterness isn’t in me. I have moved on and if you wanted to be part of our lives you would have been there for all of the wonderful things I have accomplished and my children have accomplished. You chose not to be and that is ok but that is not a relationship I want to expose myself or my children to.”